Number Four

Home.

Husband bought a nipple protector for me. I'm so tired. I've been slumped on the couch since we arrived.

The baby cries. I put on the nipple protector and latch her. She clamps her gums down on them and it's excruciating. I scream, high-pitched and my husband scrambles to get her unlatched and away from me. She cries. I cry.

My husband soothes her to sleep and goes into the room. I hear him murmuring.

An hour later. Mom is here with my sister.

They tell me to rest. I go into the room and sleep. I want to sleep and not wake up but 10 minutes later, the baby cries. She is hungry. I feed her, but I'm crying too. It hurts so much.

She falls asleep, I give her to someone, I don't remember who, and lay back down on the bed.

15 minutes later. She cries again. Shes rooting again. She was at my breast for 45 minutes and she's hungry again. I shrink back in fear. My husband and my mother look at each other worryingly.

Mom decides to try and soothe the baby to sleep instead and succeeds.

They make a quick decision, he will go out and get formula milk tomorrow. I feel relief flooding through me.

The baby cries. They wake me up, I feed her, wincing all the way.